The Human Enterprise Blog

Leading Clients - The Client Needs Model Part Two: Are You Amazing Your Clients?

Wed, 16 May 2012 00:14:00 GMT

Client satisfaction is no longer enough. It never was. You have to AMAZE THEM. See how Shirlaws, a global business coaching firm, help their clients understand the WHAT and HOW of amazing their customers.

Leading Clients: The Client Needs Model

Wed, 09 May 2012 03:00:00 GMT

In this video Paul Mitchell Speaker and Author gives insights on leading clients with the simple, effective and powerful Client Needs Model. You’ll discover why doing great work is no longer enough, it’s a given. Check your own client service levels against this four stage model. Even just a few adjustments will bring you huge results.

Are You An Imposter?

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 07:10:00 GMT

Are You An Imposter?

By Paul Mitchell | 27 March 2012

I'm glad I had a part of me, as a kid growing up, that was cocky. It was understated, but it was there all right.

It was the part of me that was arsy enough to only know about ten chords on the piano, but be able to play and get paid to play at "Impies" (The Imperial Hotel) going through Uni.

It was the part of me that had never played Rugby in my life (soccer was my game) until I went to Uni, and finally, because of injury in the upper grades, ended up playing half a dozen games or so in First Grade, First Division in the Sydney Comp.

It was the part of me that while working for the NSW Education Department as a counsellor, was also operating two part time psychological clinics in Mosman (right across the road from Mosman High School, where I was the counsellor) and Neutral Bay, and actually ended up selling one of the clinics.

It was the part of me that left the Education Department (a safe, secure job) for the uncertainty of the business world.

It was the part of me that left a potential partnership with Price Waterhouse behind to go "out on my own" with a second child on the way.

What A Phoney! The Imposter

But as I look back on all those acts of arrogance, confidence, bravado, I'm much more comfortable now admitting to myself that I felt uncertain and scared. But I never "fessed up" to anyone. Despite my apparent cockiness, I was just too unsure of myself to come clean, worried that others would think I was a phoney. Not as good as I was making myself out to be.

These days of course we have a label for everything, it's called "The Imposter Syndrome". Many executives suffer from it. Pushing forward, yet wondering whether their strategy really will be successful, or they will be "found out".

Despite every evidence of their competence and success, internally they feel like frauds, and don't feel they deserve the success they have achieved.

This is particularly the case, when they may come up against their first big failure; being passed over for a promotion, having many of their team leave, or not hitting the numbers.

Past proof or achievements of success begin to be dismissed as luck, 'right place, right time', or because of convincing - even deceiving - others into thinking you are smarter or more skilled than you really are.

Pretending they are all right and coping, yet emotionally feeling totally drained.

Trying to find work/life balance, with major problems in the marriage or wayward kids, suffering from absent mothers or fathers.

But they just don't talk about it. Instead, particularly males, their knees go, their backs go with the weight of "Imposter" on their shoulders. I've seen this so often, I no longer "call it". Because there's always a logical reason for the back, knee or neck pain. And suggesting it could be psycho-somatic just doesn't help at times.

Lets Go A Bit Deeper

Brene Brown, the qualitative social scientist, gives us a beautiful window to the soul here.

Her research shows that one of our greatest needs is the need to connect.

"Connections give meaning to our lives, it's why we are here".

Additionally, in the research of Professors Goffee and Jones they talk about the need for "Community". Same theme. Although we have an innate desire to be treated as an individual, we also want to be part of something bigger. And if you are not part of the community, the "in" crowd, it's hell.

Why does this "ousting" cause so much pain? Well to start with, it's in our DNA. Not being part of the group meant no chance of survival, little or no protection, and no sharing of food.

But it's deeper than that. Brene Brown found the difference between those who were truly connected and those who weren't was "their sense of self".

Those who really connect to others believe they are worthy of love and belonging, those who struggle at in-depth relationships don't believe they are.

This is actually a very, very profound insight, and ties back to our Imposter Syndrome. The flow goes a bit like this:

The Flow

I crave connection and community
AND
I fear I won't connect
SO
I have shame I'm not good enough
AND
I fear because of not being good enough I'll never quite connect
SO
I begin to believe I'm not worthy of connection, which causes me more shame
SO
I compensate through arrogance, bravado, doing things to get accepted that I really don't want to do

In my early days at Uni, I remember swearing so much it was ridiculous. I thought it would make me look cool. And I thought cool equalled acceptance and acceptance meant I felt more worthy.

All of which is underpinned by

EXCRUCIATING VULNERABILITY

So how do we reduce this fear and shame? How do we come clean on our vulnerability?

You Have To Be Seen

You have to show up - warts and all. As leaders, followers want to know you as real. And this means warts and all. Their B.S. meters are so well "tuned", they can pick up phoney and imposter "a mile away".

They know who you are, they're just not talking about it.

It's crazy, you're hoping not to be found out, because if you were, you may be rejected because you think, that they think, you're not worthy enough.

But they secretly know you're an imposter anyway, because you're not fessing up to at least some of your vulnerabilities. You're acting too in control, too independent.

Therefore what else are you hiding, and do I really want to be led by you if I think you're a "fraud" or fake?

This is covered in greater detail in the two day workshop Why Should Anyone Be Led By You? What It Takes To Be An Authentic Leader. Here we talk about and demonstrate how to expose "allowable weaknesses" (vulnerabilities) to followers and the importance of this to obtain team or business results, by compensating for these weaknesses.

So how do we deal with this vulnerability? What can we do? Well eventually you have to .....

Put The Bowling Ball On The Table

We talk a lot about "Bowling Balls" in our workshops. I have a whole chapter about them in my upcoming book. But for the moment, the closest thing to bowling balls is "the elephant in the room".

Because if we don't admit to our vulnerabilities (bowling balls), we give them great energy and eventually they begin to control us.

We live our lives as leaders hoping not to be found out. And this sucks up energy. Because if we are, we will be judged as unworthy.

I've seen many executives "cover up" by being real party animals, the life of the party, or having parties at their own beautiful homes. Many of them are not in deep relationships and once you get close enough to them, they confess how much they are actually yearning for one. That even the parties are a cover up.

So how do we cope, and it is "cope", not manage, these feelings ......

How Do We Cover Up?

We've seen how at the core of great vulnerability is shame.

Yet shame is the beginning of our struggle for worthiness.

But rather than just "coming out" we cover up, we pretend to others and even more sadly, ourselves, that it's just not there.

And according again to Brene Brown, the way we do this is we "NUMB IT". We give it an anaesthetic, we indulge in psychological pain killers rather than face our own demons.

There are major problems when we numb our shame through over spending, over eating, over indulging because...

You can't just selectively numb shame, anger or great disappointment. You numb every other emotion as well.

It's like Stanley Kubrick's Clockwork Orange when Alex (the main character) was cured, he was unfortunately reconditioned to loathe the only thing of joy or humanity in his life, the work of Beethoven's Ode to Joy.

So it is with numbing our shame. It also numbs our own joy, our gratitude, our peace of mind, our deep connection with ourselves and others.

We become specialists at numbing through...

A Variety of Numbing Strategies

All of which have at their core the Imposter Syndrome. See if you recognise some of these coping mechanisms you've danced with or seen in other leaders.

We Become More Certain

We measure everything, we try to control everything, we look for causal relationships in everything.

Because of the fear of shame we try to prevent being found out and take control. If we're in control we're safe. The threat of being found out is diminished. Crazy! Even one of the greatest scientists of them all, Albert Einstein said

“Not everything that can be counted counts and not everything that counts can be counted"

We Blame

We spend all of our "psychic energy" blaming others, pointing out their faults. We insist their behaviour is the reason we are upset. This way we never have to look at ourselves, never have to face our own demons. Again Brene Brown:

“Blame is our way of discharging our own pain and discomfort"

We Perfect

We try to be the perfect executive, the perfect CEO, General Manager, or Sales Director.

We try for perfection in everything we do, because then we can't be found out.

There's nothing wrong with going for perfection, as long as its not costing you your life.

Again I love what Brene Brown says about children in this area. Don't try to raise the perfect child. Our message to them should be:

"You are hard wired for struggle when you get here. You are not perfect and that's ok. But you are so worthy of love and belonging."

We Pretend

I guess this is at the heart of The Imposter Syndrome.

We pretend that the poor sales results don't affect us badly, we pretend the lay-offs don't hurt.

We pretend that someone's criticism of our work is like water off a duck's back. We deflect our feelings so we don't get found out:

“Don't cry out loud
Just keep it inside
Learn how to hide your feelings"

Peter Allen

Is there another way? YOU BET THERE IS....

Stop Fighting Against Your Vulnerability

The worst that can happen is you could win the fight, but lose the chance at really connecting. And if true connections are what life's all about, in many ways you could lose your life.

And here's the exciting part. Just as your vulnerability is the cost of shame, it's also the birthplace of your own joy, your creativity, your belonging, your love of life and your authentic leadership.

Approach Life With A Full Heart

One of the most important things you can do as a leader is let people know that what they do, and who they are, counts.

I've talked about this in detail in my v-blog on The Power of Crediting Through USSR. Click here to see it.

It's also one of the most important needs of followers outlined in our Why Should Anyone Be Led By You workshop, That is, the need for SIGNIFICANCE.

If you fully embrace your vulnerability as a human being and a leader, if you allow yourself to be seen, deeply seen, if you go around with a tattoo on your forehead saying:

"I am good enough"

then your whole world changes.

I recently interviewed Reverend Graham Long, Pastor and CEO of the Wayside Chapel in Sydney. (Look out for this interview on our first edition of our new podcast 'Enterprise Radio'.)

Wayside express it so beautifully in their mission of:

LOVE OVER HATE

More information can be found at http://www.thewaysidechapel.com/. All donations can be made by clicking here

Approaching Life Whole Heartedly

This is where the "excitement" comes in, which is another key need of followers outlined in the Why Should Anyone Be Led By You workshop.

Not just excitement about achieving a business Vision, but the excitement and joy you know comes from living a fuller life.

In her research, Brene Brown found those that believed they were worthy of connection, were ok sharing their vulnerabilities and lived what she calls "whole heartedly".

This involved four aspects of being:

Courage
Compassion
Connection
Practising Gratitude and Leaning into Joy

1. Courage

Tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. In "Why Should" I love the part of the programme where leaders share with each other who they are, warts and all, and in doing so enlist their support in helping to achieve their Vision Of Greatness.

One of the greatest things you can do as a leader is to admit your mistakes. Doing so doesn't just "freeze" you, it FREES you.

Failure is integral to success. Successful people fail more often, because they are having more "go's". Why? They don't equate their failures with being a failure. Why? Self worth of course. Peter Drucker put it beautifully:

"The better man is, the more mistakes he will make, for the more new things he will try. I would never promote to a top-level job a man who was not making mistakes, and big ones at that. Otherwise he is sure to be mediocre."

2. Compassion

Be kind to yourself and others. Catch yourself judging and see if it's really something about you, rather than them.

3. Connection

As a result of this authenticity, you let go of who you are supposed to be, who you are told to be in order to be who you are really 'meant' to be. Who you could BE!

You fully embrace your vulnerability knowing that what makes you vulnerable also makes you beautiful.

You become willing to do or say something first, to go first, even if you could be "rejected".

4. Practicing Gratitude and Leaning Into Joy

I love this. There is so much research on the importance of gratitude. I'm going to cover it in one of our next newsletters and share with you how to keep a gratitude journal.

Because when you share your vulnerability, allow yourself to really connect, and wholeheartedly practice gratitude; you really lean into joy.

You feel joyous about yourself, others and the world. You are a joy to be around. And that's exciting.

What About You?

So, where do you need to open the Kimono, so people really "see you"?

Just imagine, how your world and your leadership might change when you do.

Imagine how your modeling the way may inspire others to open up. So we can start to compensate for each others vulnerabilities, start to truly work together to achieve magnificent results.

Vulnerability does more than just build rapport, it builds business results.

As Brene Brown says, when we share our vulnerability:

"We stop screaming at each other, we start listening to each other.
We are kinder and gentler to the people around us and we are kinder and gentler to ourselves."

Much, and I really mean much of this article is taken from the YouTube video Brene Brown The Power of Vulnerability. Brene also has a lot of other great clips on this area on YouTube.

Please share this newsletter with your family, your friends, your team. It’s always the best endorsement we can get.

Kind regards
Paul "Mitch" Mitchell
the shadow bloke

Managing Director
the human enterprise

P.S. Check out our brand new video 'Don't Get Even Get A.G.R.O.W. Part 2' on our YouTube channel ‘Paul Mitchell Connects’.

P.P.S. As always we love your feedback so send us an email with your thoughts or share them on our facebook page.

P.P.P.S. Please pass this newsletter onto anyone you think would like to "lean into joy".

Find Us Online

Don't Get Even, Get A.G.R.O.W. (Part Two)

Wed, 09 May 2012 03:01:00 GMT

Classical coaching says you only ask questions. Well, that's right up to a point. See how telling is the L.A.S.T. thing you should do in coaching, but still an important component of the total option-generating mix.

Don't Get Even, Get A.G.R.O.W. (Part One)

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 04:14:00 GMT

Your job is to grow the leaders around you. A.G.R.O.W. Coaching is one of the best tools on the planet to do this.

Fine-tune your coaching skills as we take the classical G.R.O.W. model of John Whitmore to another level.

The Seven Ps of Powerful Performance

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 01:57:00 GMT

Where are you at?
Well did you have a good break? Are you refreshed and ready to “rock n roll” in 2012?

I just love the time between Xmas and the start of the New Year. And one of the pleasures I indulge in is even more reading. A book that caught my eye was Bounce: The Myth of Talent and The Power of Practice by Matthew Syed. Brilliant!

In case you don’t get the chance to read it, I’ve summarised it for you and linked the ideas to being the best leader you can be.

The Myth of Talent

The book very persuasively, with lots of anecdotal research, debunks the myth of talent, and raises, in my mind, the power of “bloody hard work and determination”.

To me it’s also a warning to all those who push the power of “talent”, to take heed, to really question whether “the talent” programme is where your next “superstars” will come from.

Many, and I mean many, of the successful senior leaders I deal with would probably have never made the cut in their own Internal Talent Programme.

They either don’t have degrees, or didn’t do all that well at Uni, or had fathers, particularly the blokes, who were not all that supportive when it came to building the “self-esteem” of their kids.

So guess what? If you’re not that talented, or don’t believe you are and you have to prove yourself, what do you do? I’ll tell you what you do; you work your bloody arse off. You focus, you put in the hours, you leave yourself open to learning and you practise, practise, practise!

(Incidentally this is exactly what Goffee and Jones found in their research for “Why Should Anyone Be Led By You?”. We will be telling you more about this programme from these two London Business School Professors later this year.)

Your Hard Worker Programme

Let me ask you this, do you have a “Hard Worker’ programme (as a Sister Act to your Talent Programme), that identifies those that put in the hours, that dedicate themselves to continually learning, to continuous and never ending improvement?

They’re not mutually exclusive, but you owe it to the people you’ve selected on your “talent” programme, to not let it go to their head. Don’t indulge them; make them earn the right to promotions. If not, you’ll kill their spirit.

My philosophy is talent is nothing to be proud of; you got that from your Mum and Dad. Be proud of them, or if you’re cosmically inclined, thank the universe for selecting your parents. For me, it’s what you do with that talent, how hard you use and develop it for your own good and that of the world’s, that counts.

The 7 P's of Powerful Performance

So here are the keys. Learn them, use them, and teach them to your kids, your team. Ignore them at your peril.

1. Practise
2. Pointers
3. Pain
4. Personal
5. Possible
6. Pathways
7. Pressure

1. Practise

The Overview

You’re probably aware of the “10,000 hours concept” of what makes for excellence, which first came to popular light in Malcolm Gladwell’s book Outliers.

It was based on the 1991 work of Dr Anders Ericsson, a psychologist from Florida State University who studied violinists at the renowned Music Academy Of West Berlin in Germany.

Through his study he found the biographical history of violinists were the same, but the difference between average, good and world class violinists was not talent, or teachers or intelligence. It was the number of hours they spent practising.

“By the age of twenty, the best violinists had practised on average of ten thousand hours, more than two thousand more than good violinists and more than six thousand more than the (average violinists).”

This pattern seems to be repeated over and over again.

Top performers have devoted literally thousands of additional hours to becoming master performers. Golf, tennis, dancing, ping pong, music, chess, running, athletics, you name it.

Leadership

You only get better at leadership through practise. I make a living by teaching ideas, concepts and skills, but it’s nothing compared to real life “practise” and experience.

Do more of what you are already doing. Make more decisions, make more calls, take more risks, ask for more projects where you’ll grow.

Rehearse your major presentations, practise giving feedback, delegating, coaching, and your skills development with your coach. (What a great way to start your year. Give us a call to discuss your coaching needs.)

Mentally rehearse your meetings, go over your affirmations again and again. Get more disciplined in your daily rituals and routines. DO stuff. As David Penglase, Sales Trainer states

“If you want more stuff, do more stuff”.

In other words, practise, practise, practise! And give your team the chance to take a leadership stand as well. Make them responsible for a piece of the business and hold them to account.

2. Pointers

The Overview

All the practise in the world won’t help if you don’t have a goal and constantly adjust your performance to meet that goal. And that feedback has to be outside yourself. Like our own psychological “baggage”, we never see our own stuff.

It would be crazy for me to go to the golf range and hit balls for 10,000 hours, with no external feedback.

We need what I call “pointers”. People who will:

1. “Point” out where you’re on and off track.
2. Give you “pointers” to adjust your behaviour.

Leadership

So as a leader get yourself a coach or a mentor, someone to give you honest feedback and point you in the right direction. Someone who’ll challenge you and not be “awed” or too “wooed” by your talent. Someone who will challenge you not to just set Big Hairy Audacious Goals for your organisation, but also for you. (At the human enterprise we have some brilliant coaches just waiting to take you to the next level. We have a specific coaching offer coming out in the next few weeks. So watch this space.)

3. Pain

The Overview

“Nobody said it was easy” - Cold Play

There will be pain. You know that. No pain, no gain!

Whether you believe in multiculturalism or not, I don’t know. But what many immigrants have achieved in this country is outstanding.

Like the owners of a deli in the western suburbs of Sydney (they were fields then) who bought the shopping centre and then other centres in the Western Fields of Sydney and then the world. “Westfield” Shopping Centres!

Go back and track the hours these people put in, the pain they suffered. Look at their lifestyle now and it looks amazing, but we both know it wasn’t always that way.

There will be sacrifices, there will be hardships. And from my experience if a family culture has a value around “hard work”, that the joy of “earn a ship” is more important than the right of “ownership”, then the sacrifice is worth it.

Leadership

No I’m not calling the kettle black. You may know I pride myself on taking off around 12 weeks a year throughout the year. I know I’m tooting my own trumpet, but during the other 40 weeks, there are often 14 to 18 hour days.

The Australian Financial Review published an article this January about the main issues facing CEO’s in Australia.

Everyone to a “tee” mentioned productivity. I love this country. Do not lose what we have created together here. If all of us put the hours in this year (with pointers), our productivity will go through the roof. It’s not “un” employment that’s the issue, it’s “under” employment.

4. Personal

The Overview

“You really have to wanna!”

There’s no way you’ll push yourself to the next level, or keep up the pace unless it’s personal. Deeply personal.

You have to get in touch with that part of you that wants success and wants it real bad.

I’m a Farnham fan. Yeah I realise he’s not cool, not hip and reflects my age. But it’s not just his music I love; it’s his courage.

His career was over for him in some ways until Glenn Wheatley (and yeah, we all know he went to gaol) asked him how badly he “wanted it”. How badly did he want to make a comeback, to be a star?

Glenn bet on John. The story goes he mortgaged his house to support the production of “Whispering Jack”. What great Aussie story. Now doesn’t let us know that we can make a difference by speaking out about what we believe in? “You’re the voice”.

Leadership

Are you the voice of leadership in your business, your family, your community?

Do you have something you believe in, to make it all worthwhile, or are you just going through the motions to “make ends meet”? What a terrible waste of a life. Don’t die with the music in you.

Martin Luther King really captured the heart of personal commitment when he prolifically declared:

“I submit to you that if a man hasn’t discovered something that he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”

At our leadership workshops we constantly inspire leaders to set out to achieve something of greatness, rather than setting out to be just a great leader. What’s that greatness for you, for your team, your business?

This is why determining a “higher” or “noble” purpose for a business is essential. Without it, what’s the point? It’s just about the money.

For crystal clear clarity on your higher purpose we’ll be giving you a coaching offer in the coming weeks.

5. Possible

The Overview

No matter how much you practise, no matter how many purposeful pointers you get, no matter how personal it is, you won’t keep at it, unless you think it’s possible.

The work of Dr Carol Dweck here is fascinating. Her studies (they’re in the book) look at the difference in performance of someone with a “fixed” versus a “growth” mindset.

A fixed mindset is like a “talent” mindset. It assumes a fixed “mental” capacity, either good, bad or indifferent. A “growth” mindset assumes no such thing. Everyone has the capacity to grow, to learn, to get better.

Let me give you one of the most important lessons you’ll ever get for your kids (it applies to your team and associates as well)

Don’t just recognise performance.

“You did a good job”

“That was a good mark”

“That’s a great report””

The underlying assumption here is that it emphasises the performance , which is fixed, and this can construed as the person’s ability also being fixed. Instead, or at least as well as, also emphasise effort, growth, approach (see our v-blog on The Power Of Crediting Through U.S.S.R. for a specific way to do this.)

“That was a lot of effort you put in”

“You really thought that through”

“That showed great initiative”

All of the above can be improved. They are not fixed.

Leadership

This is what I love about entrepreneurship or intrapreneurship, as Gifford Pinchot termed it (an entrepreneurial spirit within a larger corporation).

Many people think entrepreneurs are risk takers as they think possibilities. That’s both true and a myth. From an external perspective it looks like its risk, but entrepreneurs are so sure of themselves, their belief is so strong they put everything on the line, sometimes even the family home. Let me assure you if you actually started thinking, I could lose the family home, you wouldn’t take the risk. What they have is a “growth” mindset.

What are the possibilities in your business, yet to be untapped, the products, the markets, the channels? Who are the people you know can grow, you know have so much more to offer, or do you have a “fixed” mindset about them? I never cease to marvel at the untapped people potential in every business we deal with.

“Grow your people, grow your business”

That’s something we constantly tell our clients.

6. Pathways

The Overview

I loved the Australian Open tennis this year. Did you see Lleyton? What a gutsy effort. Have you seen how fast those balls come at you? Andy Roddick serves at between 209 to 242 km/h. That gives the receiver no time to think. That’s right, because at that level you are not thinking about returning a serve, you are doing it on auto pilot.

You see the Neo Cortex, the thinking part of the brain is focussing on the movement of the server’s hips or their eyes on the ball toss, to anticipate where the serve will go and leaving their returning of the ball up to muscle memory. How can you do this? Re read point one: Practise, practise, practise! Look at Agassi in his book Open. Try hitting 2,500 balls a day, 17,500 balls a weeks. Even if you have “zero” ability, with enough pointers you’re going to get pretty good.

In other words it becomes unconscious competence (according to Maslow’s Model). You don’t think about it. Because of literally years of practise, these neural pathways are carved deeply into the brain.

Leadership

Such pathways also exist in leadership. It’s called experience. But remember it’s not just years on the job. So many leaders have been leading for over 20 years, but in reality it’s just one year, twenty times over, without a “growth mindset”.

What’s the equivalent in business? What do you do over and over again that you don’t have to think about? Business systems. Don’t keep reinventing the wheel. Every year I see it, new competencies, new skills sets, and we were just coming to grips on the old ones.

Stabilise as much as you can. Get into a rhythm, a candour with your “ideal” day, week or month, as my dear mentor and friend Dr Fred Grosse advises. Don’t make any adjustments to new systems for a set period. Capture data by all means, but no changes.

Without set rituals, and routines for your business, you’ll never give yourself enough time for your Neo Cortex, to think possibilities, think different, think future.

“Systematise the routine to allow time to personalise the exception.”

And finally what if you do all this and you just can’t handle the….

7. Pressure

The Overview

Ever seen someone “choke”? In sport or in business? They’ve done it a thousand times, but they just appear like amateurs. You see it in golf, in tennis and also in business.

What happens? Well to use terms we spoke of earlier, you move from the Automatic Implicit System (the flow, the groove) to the Conscious Explicit System. You don’t respond as your natural self, you begin to think too much. And notice how this is normally on the big games or the last few rounds of golf, or the big presentations.

Because before when you could win, when you could claim victory, something you’ve been working for all your life, it was only a “could”. Now you’re in front it’s not just a possibility. You can win, and you can also lose. And with it literally years of your life that you’ve put in.

So how do you cope with this pressure? You have to override your brain; you have to trick it with self-talk. You have to rewrite your own mental software, with comments such as:

“It’s only a game”

“There’s always next time”

“I’ve done so well just to get here”

Leadership

Does this personal reaction of pressure apply in business? You bet. I speak for a living. I still feel the pressure to give value (and so I should). But I have a “life time” of “ups and downs” to put that one hour keynote or two day leadership programme into perspective.

“It’s one workshop”

“It’s one client”

“It’s one part of an entire program”

Don’t get me wrong. We do good work. But I think part of the reason for this, is we go into an event as ourselves, relaxed and confident and knowing who we are and what we stand for. Because, as I previously mentioned, as soon as your business or leadership identity is tied too strongly to your self-esteem, you’re stuffed.

The saddest examples of this are the suicides happening in Australia right now, particularly with business “men” who equate “Nett Worth” with “Self Worth”.

Years ago a chairman at Unilever (think Streets Ice Cream, and many iconic brands) said to me, when sales were down for the summer. “Paul, it’s not world peace here. It’s only ice cream.”

It didn’t mean he didn’t care. It just gave him a broader perspective in which to see his current results. And Unilever continues to be one of the most amazing FMCG companies on the planet. (And yes, they are a client).

When I help leaders to expand their identities beyond their business roles, not only do they become happier, they inevitably become better leaders.

So go easy on yourself. Put your business performance in perspective of your total life or the issues our world now faces, or you’ll choke, and then your performance really will begin to suffer.

In Summary

Talent is not enough. Never has been. Never will be. But talent and hard work are a lethal combination.

So there we have it, the 7 P’s of Powerful Performance

1. Practise
2. Pointers
3. Pain
4. Personal
5. Possible
6. Pathways
7. Pressure

I hope it’s inspired you to be the best you can be in 2012. Please share this newsletter with your family, your friends, your team. It’s always the best endorsement we can get.

As always your feedback is truly appreciated. I hope we get to work together this year. With over 48,000 hours in the leadership development space (40 hours a week x 40 weeks x 30 years) I’m beginning to get a feel for it. But I promise you, this year, I’ll be doing even more practise.

And remember to keep a lookout for the Transformational Leadership Coaching offer coming your way soon.

Kind regards
Paul "Mitch" Mitchell
the shadow bloke

Managing Director
the human enterprise

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Exceptional Leaders Listen

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 06:22:00 GMT

"I just said that." What's Happening To Our Listening?
Over the last couple of months Deborah (Deb), my wife of 32 years, has been saying this a lot: “I just said that.” In other words, you’re not listening. Well, even worse than that: “I don’t feel heard.” It’s a real wake-up call for me to get more present, get out of my head and connect to someone I love passionately, and would never want to hurt.

Over the last couple of months Deborah (Deb), my wife of 32 years, has been saying this a lot: “I just said that.” In other words, you’re not listening. Well, even worse than that: “I don’t feel heard.” It’s a real wake-up call for me to get more present, get out of my head and connect to someone I love passionately, and would never want to hurt.

I’m now convinced that not feeling heard is at the bottom of so many business failures, leadership failures, relationship breakdowns and societal crises that we keep hearing about day after day.

So let me overview a few of the issues around our “not listening”, and then go onto some success strategies.

The Problem With Our NOT LISTENING

1. It aint that sexy

Let’s face it, when was the last time you signed up for a two to three day workshop on listening? Particularly if you’re a Senior Manager. I mean it’s 101 stuff isn’t it. When was the last time you heard of a great leader being a motivating, engaging, inspiring “listener”. But we spend a fortune, literally billions on training people to better communicate and mostly it involves how to get your point across rather than really understand someone else’s point.

2. It's the height of arrogance

Not listening really is the ultimate form of arrogance. Confidence and certainty are such admired traits in leaders. But this has to be balanced with openness, an ability to say you were wrong, to let go of control on occasions, and a huge dose of humility. So many of the issues I see in the consulting side of our business are because people have not listened: to their clients, their consumers, their people, their vendors and suppliers, or to the community at large.

3. How will we ever grow and learn?

Sure, there’s many ways of growing and learning but not being open to others opinions and letting go of your own position may get you in a lot of trouble and “stunt” your growth. And it’s often the people we think have the least to offer in terms of ideas, possibilities, perceptions, that we can most learn from.

“Out of the mouths of babes.”

Trouble is, once we judge someone to be a “wanker”, we then shut down our ability to hear their point of view. We listen to everything they say through our “wanker filter”. And even the gems don’t get through. And it’s often points of view that directly challenge our thinking that will give us those “ah ha” moments and breakthroughs.

4. No involvement, no commitment

Well, this isn’t exactly true but it is true that involvement breeds commitment. Sure, as a leader you have to make tough calls. And if you did everything everyone told you, you’d go crazy. In fact, you probably wouldn’t do anything at all. You’d be frozen in an “icy” sea of options.

But the problem is so often people in business feel they’ve just been told, rather than having their opinion sought or canvassed. People may not always agree with your final decision, but if they feel heard they’re more likely to get on board.

Contrast this to leaders who have an over-used telling, directing style. It may initially be faster, yet because there’s no emotional buy-in, execution and implementation seem to take an eternity. You’ll hear again and again from people:

“Why wasn’t I asked?”

“Why wasn’t I told? (and have an opportunity to respond)”

5. You'll never be listened to

We live in a reciprocal world. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours. More and more in the corporate world I’m seeing people “switch off” to what their leaders are saying. Because it seems what they’re saying simply reinforces the fact that they’re not being listened to. Please explain. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen something like engagement or communication surveys done. People answer with this thought in mind:

“You want my opinion.”

“You will listen to me.”

“You will act on my feedback.”

And as you know, in many cases this just doesn’t happen. In fact, we fill out the surveys year after year and the same issues surface. We’re not listening.

You have to earn the right to be listened to, and this means initially proving that you are someone who will listen. Gandhi summed it up beautifully: “Be the revolution you wish to see in the world.” So how can we improve our ability to listen?

Some Simple Guidelines For Better Listening

1. Make it your intention

Attention follows intention. Make it your intention to listen. Forget about all the stuff you learnt as listening techniques: “ah ha, hmm, say more about that.” You’ll do these naturally if you just make it your intention to listen.

2. Go beyond listening

It’s not so much the listening that’s important, it’s the fact that the other person feels heard. They feel validated. Hugh McKay, in his expansive book “What Makes Us Tick: The Ten Desires That Drive Our Behaviour”, talks about our key need to be taken seriously. Feeling heard means what you say counts, it means therefore that you count, that you are important. It’s the ultimate way to recognise someone. I love that the Na’vi word for hello means “I see you”.

3. Just get a little then a lot better

I’ve never been that good at the numbers, even though I’ve run my own business now for 25 years. But there’s one formula I do know well which my Aunty Alison, a brilliant Maths teacher, astute property investor and a marvellous aunty taught me years ago:

A = PRN

Where

A = Amount

P = Principal

R = 1 + r/100 where r=rate of interest

N = Number of Years

Recognise it? I’m sure all you property investors will. It’s the compound interest formula : “The eighth wonder of the world is compound interest.” Albert Einstein

So what the hell has this got to do with listening? (Apart from listening to your wise Aunty.) Well, if you just focused on improving your listening a little each day (say 1%) within 72 days you’d be twice as good at listening. Now that’s a lot better.

4. A magic listening technique that works every time

Here’s some consulting gold, potentially worth millions to you. If you want to listen more, SHUT UP! Yes, that’s it. Stop talking. Stop constantly wanting to share your opinions, share your knowledge, share your solutions, and share your experience. Now I’m really calling the kettle black here. I mean I speak for a living, but as I get older I’m also learning better when to shut up. It’s obviously very simple. When you’re talking you aint listening. And if you are a talker (like me), often when we listen we are listening for an opportunity to talk. And that ain’t listening either.

I love coaching leaders. I love to see them learn, grow and develop. But sometimes I’m so eager to give them my ideas and knowledge, I forget one of the fundamentals of great coaching. Create the space where people can come up with their own answers.

I’ll be sharing the results of our Leadership Coaching Survey we did earlier this year, in our next correspondence, along with a coaching offer for 2012. It will help you enormously in selecting your leadership coach.

5. Don't be in such a hurry

Sometimes I find myself listening and then when I get it, I finish off the other person’s sentences. I mean it saves time doesn’t it, it shows you’re following doesn’t it? Gong. Thank you for playing, as the great Robin Williams says. Yes, but the speaker is left with the feeling of what’s the point as you do all the punch lines. No-one likes to have their mind read or have presumptions made about the next thing that should come out of their mouth. So I recommend just to shut up and listen, let them finish their sentences, not you.

So There We Go

There’s probably dozens of other bits and pieces we could add about listening (please share your experience and advice on our facebook page or send us an email, we do listen). I love this poem my Mum taught me as a little boy – it says it all:

“A wise old owl

Sat on an oak

The more he heard

The less he spoke

The more he heard

Oh why can’t we be like

That wise old bird?”

Thanks Mum, you are a “wise old bird”.

Something Personal

And finally, on a personal note, one night I sat on the corner of my daughter’s bed, listening to how sad she was about an illness she was suffering. I felt absolutely helpless. Inside I felt my heart being ripped out of me. I’m sure if you’re a parent you’ll know what I mean.

So rather than give her any fatherly advice, I just listened with every ounce of compassion and love that I could. Yet I went to bed feeling such a failure, it felt like there was nothing I could do to help her.

In the morning I awoke to find a beautiful colour drawing that my daughter Ruby had done of a smiling Little Mermaid, with the words: “Thanks for listening Dad. I love you.”

It is my favourite possession.

Please listen to each other. I’m sure that in all the areas we lead – business, home, our community – the intention and the skill of listening has the power to change our world. And it starts at home.

“Deb, I’m listening.”

Once again, "may the force be with you".

Change – The Four Room Apartment

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:44:00 GMT

As a change leader, how do you assess if your organisation is change-ready? Learn about the four room apartment (model of Claes Janssen) and what you do from each room.

Change: The Trapeze Model, Part 2

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:42:00 GMT

In this second blog we overview the typical emotions you or others may experience when going through change and how to deal with them.

Change: The Trapeze Model, Part 1

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:45:00 GMT

I love the simple model of William Bridges, who talks about three stages of change and the importance of each stage to help people move on.

What You Focus On You Get

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:48:00 GMT

This overview from the ground-breaking book “Enlightened Leadership” (Oakley & Krug) emphasises the importance of focusing on what you want, yet not at the expense of facing reality. I’ll introduce you to an easy formula to gauge the units of energy in your business.

Southern Cross Management : I Lead From A Land Down Under

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:46:00 GMT

Learn the importance of engaging all stakeholders in the total “eco” system to get things done and turbo-boost your own career.

Some Career Advice: Time For A BEP Talk

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:49:00 GMT

You or one of your team may be wondering “what’s my next best career move?” Well, forget about the “rah rah” or a pep talk, what you need is a BEP talk!

Be A Meaning Maker

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:50:00 GMT

One of your key roles as a leader is to put everything you say in a bigger context. In that way you give people’s jobs and lives more meaning. Framing is a great tool to help you do just that.

"In The Zone" – Welcome Discomfort

Sun, 18 Mar 2012 23:51:00 GMT

So often the reason you or your team are not achieving is that you’re still in your comfort zone. Learn about two extra zones that enhance performance and make life the exciting adventure that it is.

The Human Enterprise Blog

Leading Clients - The Client Needs Model Part Two: Are You Amazing Your Clients?

Leading Clients: The Client Needs Model

Are You An Imposter?

Are You An Imposter?

The Flow

You Have To Be Seen

Put The Bowling Ball On The Table

How Do We Cover Up?

A Variety of Numbing Strategies

Stop Fighting Against Your Vulnerability

Don't Get Even, Get A.G.R.O.W. (Part Two)

Don't Get Even, Get A.G.R.O.W. (Part One)

The Seven Ps of Powerful Performance

Where are you at? Well did you have a good break? Are you refreshed and ready to “rock n roll” in 2012?

The Myth of Talent

Your Hard Worker Programme

The 7 P's of Powerful Performance

1. Practise

2. Pointers

3. Pain

4. Personal

5. Possible

6. Pathways

7. Pressure

In Summary

Find Us Online

Exceptional Leaders Listen

Change – The Four Room Apartment

Change: The Trapeze Model, Part 2

Change: The Trapeze Model, Part 1

What You Focus On You Get

Southern Cross Management : I Lead From A Land Down Under

Some Career Advice: Time For A BEP Talk

Be A Meaning Maker

"In The Zone" – Welcome Discomfort

Where are you at?
Well did you have a good break? Are you refreshed and ready to “rock n roll” in 2012?