How are you leading outside of work? If you’re a parent, are you “there” for your kids? And I mean really there. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually. I mean really, really present.
Marcus Buckingham, leadership consultant and researcher, wrote Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently.
In his work, he highlights how the presence of parents in the lives of their children can significantly impact their development and wellbeing.
Being attentive, authentic and actually engaged is essential for fostering healthy relationships and positive outcomes for kids.
Marcus asked mothers what they’d love more of.
- Sleep
- Time with the kids
Both were high on the list. Ask the kids and it’s a different story. They didn’t necessarily want more time with mum. What many wanted was for mum to be less stressed and less tired. In other words, they wanted her to be truly with them in those precious moments of time. They wanted the time to be QUALITY time.
I’d suggest the same is true for your people at work.
Being totally present for them, with them, especially in one on ones, is one of the greatest gifts you could give them.
Or as Eckhart Tolle says it: The Power of Now.
Yes, by all means, go and learn the skills, the concepts, the models, the steps, the processes. They all matter. But what will really differentiate you in the eyes of your followers is you giving them your full attention.
Not the length of time. Not the content. Not the agenda. Not even the outcome. But you being with them. “Meeting them”, not just having a meeting. Wherever you are, be there.
Being fully present is so important as a leader that I dedicated a whole chapter to it in my #1 Amazon Australia bestseller, Your Leadership Diamond: How to Transform the Way You Live Your Life, Lead Your People and Leave a Legacy.
In the book, I go into more detail on presence and share a very personal story of precious presence in my own life.
But for now, here are four tried and tested strategies.
1. Make it your intention to get present to both yourself and others.
As simple as it is, make it your intention to be fully present to whoever you’re with. A mantra, or saying to yourself, is a good reminder or trigger.
“Be here.”
“Get present.”
“Pay attention.”
This means putting aside your own ideas and agenda and truly listening to what others are saying in every one on one, every phone call, every meeting. And of course, getting present to your body through the power of three big breaths is a classic strategy.
Why? Because it works.
2. Give them your attention.
This means making more eye contact than you normally would and getting rid of distractions. Your mobile. Your iPad. Your diary. Your internal chatter. See the person’s magnificence. Assume positive intent about their actions and words. Calm your own mind so you can truly hear them.
3. Truly focus on someone as a person.
Buddhists say every time we meet someone, there is a chance to teach or a chance to learn. See the person in front of you as someone who either has a lesson or message for you, or someone you can teach, help or develop on their journey. By doing this, you’ll be much more focused on who they are, what they’re saying and what you’re hearing. You’ll be fully appreciating who they are and the message they bring.
4. Show up with an open mind.
So often we lose our presence because we come with prepared answers to the issues we are about to discuss. We listen for other people’s “rightness”. We listen for the degree to which they are aligned, or not aligned, with our way of thinking. We listen through our own filters.
That’s not real presence.
And now, with the AI train truly having left the station, this human work matters even more so. As more tasks are automated, and as work changes faster around us, the premium will be on the deeply human moments technology cannot replace. Checking in. Listening properly. Holding someone’s attention without distraction. Creating the room for people to think, feel, challenge, learn and grow.
These human experiences do not need to be rare. You can create them every day.
So…you’ve no doubt got a “meeting” coming up soon.
How present will you be?
In our program Higher Ground: Leadership Mastermind, we are deliberately getting leaders from different organisations the in room with each other. Face to face. Human to human. Present to themselves, their peers, their work, their families and their future. In fact, we kick off each session with an exercise designed to help leaders get present.
If you’d like to know more about how we are helping mid-level leaders boost their executive readiness email the words “Higher Ground” to soul@thehumanenterprise.com.au and we’ll send through the latest information.
Until Next time…
Find the passion.
Develop the skills.
Make the numbers.
Make a difference.
Paul Mitchell
“APAC’s most respected transformational leadership performance coach”
Paul Mitchell (@Paul_S_Mitchell) is a speaker, author, transformational leadership coach and founder of the human enterprise. Through leadership coaching, leadership development programmes, keynotes and facilitation, Paul works with organisations to build cultures where everybody leads.
